The Mighty If!

Posts tagged polyamory

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Dear Polyamorous People

If there’s one thing I wish would die in a fire forever… well, okay, there are a lot of terrible things that would take precedence for that. But *among* the things I wish would die in a fire forever are discussions of polyamory that  depend upon portraying monogamy as being less evolved / less enlightened / abusive / possessive / whatever.

I’m poly. I feel that polyamory works for me. My partners are poly. They feel that polyamory works for them. It’d be fair for us to say that we feel that polyamory works better for us. It would even be fair and okay for us to characterize monogamy as having been a poor fit for us in various ways. It would be fair to say that we found monogamy restrictive for us. (I’d have to think about whether that’s accurate or not, as would they, but it would be fair to say if we came to that realization.) 

However, if I never hear another poly person describe monogamous people as placing restrictions upon each other or kidding themselves about their relationships or being deceptive to themselves or anything else of that sort, it will be too soon. That has to stop.

Like any societal default, I’m sure there are people who don’t actively choose monogamy in an examined way. I’m sure there are people who don’t realize that there are other options, and I’m sure there are people who believe that there are other options but don’t believe that they have the freedom to pursue them. (There may even be those who don’t feel that they have the courage to pursue them, but I’d guard against overestimating that.) These are probably real. There are probably relationships where people feel restricted and trapped in a monogamous relationship. That undoubtedly happens.

But there are also many, many people who choose monogamy voluntarily, in full freedom, with open eyes, minds, and hearts, and who don’t feel that their partner has imposed restrictions upon them, who do not feel that only blinders keep them together. AND FOR $ENTITY’S SAKE THERE ARE MONOGAMOUS PEOPLE WHO DON’T CHEAT AND DON’T FEEL A DESIRE TO. For real.

Their love is no less (or more!) beautiful than yours, no less (or more!) valid or true than yours. People should be able to love how they want without oppression, ridicule, or derision, and that includes monogamously.

Filed under rant polyamory monogamy i can be irritable

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Academic Study on Queer Poly Women Seeking Participants

A friend passed me a flyer from an Ontario Institute of Studies in Education / University of Toronto grad student seeking participants for a study on queer, polyamorous women. You can find the flyer with details and contact information here (PDF).

Please note that while that’s hosted on my domain (since it was sent to me by Facebook message where it’s hard to link), I’m not involved in the study, nor do I directly know the person conducting it.

Still, if you’re interested, please check it out, and otherwise, feel free to pass this along. :)

Filed under polyamory queer research academic

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Random Question



I can’t tell if it is the kind of people I seem to be attracted to, or if it is the popularity in general, but is there anyone out there in an open/poly relationship who doesn’t like Dr. Who?

Not a condemnation, just a question. Also don’t you dare give any spoilers, I’m still in the David Tennant Dr seasons.

*laughs* I know a few who don’t, but it does seem to be a higher percentage than the general population. 

And wait until you watch Torchwood … <3

I have to admit it: I’m poly and I don’t like Dr. Who. Torchwood even less so. (If I tracked how many followers I have, it’d be interesting to see how many I lose in the next day. ;) )

(Source: )

Filed under poly polyamory non-monogamy dr who